Why? Why am I the chosen one? The one to enter that rotten spruce house owned by Nelly the smelly man. So old with goblin ears, He never opens his windows and curtains, his windows are all covered in mold. I heard stories about teenage kids who would enter the house and will in a blink of an eye. As I walked up the sideway to the creepy house, I happened to stop near a rusty gate, it was one of old man Nelly’s house gates. As I walked in the rusty gate creaked something felt strange way too strange.
Hello Nick,
ReplyDeleteWhat dark and mysterious fate awaits you when you encounter Nelly? Is his old house really a place of no return? Perhaps he is just an old man wanting to be left alone yet imaginations have created a dark and dangerous world around him.
I can see you have set the scene for a number of possible endings. This can be a good technique for inviting a reader to continue reading. There is little interest in a mystery solved in the first few sentences. Well done. :)
You have taken care with spelling and punctuation. I only noticed some minor errors you might have missed when rereading your entry. I know how easy it can be when you have good ideas to share.
I hope you keep entering the 100WC.
Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia
Hello Nick,
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I would like to be you as you walk through the rusty gate. You have used creative description to make your readers feel a bit of fear as they read. Good job.
Barbara McFall (Team 100WC)
teacher, The Phoenix School, Salem, MA USA