Slits, not eyes, glared through the shadows of the charcoal
cloak. Night fall had struck by the time FBI investigators reached the blood
stained mulch and leaves on the forest floor. I witnessed the whole thing, and
it wasn't death that murdered Jessica Jane, yet he morphed out of thin air as
soon as she was struck. Not to take her away, but to take her misty, milk white
soul from her punctured body. Its midnight, and the hooded figure is still here,
and out of curiosity, so am I. I just witnessed everything, that’s why death
now faces me.
What a great story, deep and mysterious. I love the way you used adjectives to describe the way he moved and he walked. Very cool ending as well.
ReplyDeleteTess - Year 8 - Karori Normal School - Wellington - New Zealand
This story is really good! I have also entered the 100 word challenge, so I know how hard it is to fit a story in to so few words, but you have done it amazingly. The one thing that I would suggest you improve is the "it wasn't death that murdered Jessica Jane" sentence. It doesn't make sense to me.
ReplyDeleteOther than that, this story is amazing!
Olivia :)
Hi Joshua,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your 100 word challenge, I like some of the vocabulary you have chosen like punctured and morphed. Maybe you could change your last sentence to a rhetorical question to leave your reader thinking rather than repeating that you witnessed everything? Keep up the good work!
Mrs Atherton
Hopwood C P School, England
Wow Joshua, you really have added an air of mystery and suspense through your choice of adjectives. To describe her soul as misty, milk white gives that image of purity. great work!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this! Your vocabulary is excellent and the whole piece flows really well. I also like the way you started sentences in different ways.
ReplyDeleteMiss Aaron (Team 100)